It is Not a Dream. To me it was inexplicable.

Nine years ago, in 2004, when my first Out-Of-Body experience `happened` to me, I had not the slightest notion that I could have `another body`. As far as I was concerned, although I had always firmly believed in having a Soul, this physical body was the only body I`d got. It was unconceivable to me that I had more bodies , and , as far as I knew, something as outlandish as what was happening to me could happen only in a Science Fiction movie scenario.
It totally turned my world around. I remember going about my usual life almost zombie-like, turning the question over and over in my mind : `HOW IS IT POSSIBLE ?? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE ?? GOD! HOW IS IT POSSIBLE???` I couldn`t focus on anything else but this thought for quite several days. I started thinking on the line of hallucinations caused by brain tumors.
To me, things like this simply didn`t happen.
As incredible as it may seem now, even to me, it took me 5 full years to find out about astral projection or OBE experiences. For those five years I didn`t dare talk with other people about it. Even formulating the words outloud sounded silly and preposterous to me. I was sure people would not , actually, could not, believe me, since I myself would not have believed me , if it had not happened to me !! 🙂
Well, this was only the beginning of a series of dreams/OBE experiences that for a lack of a better term in my vocabulary of the time, I called `physical dreams`. I chose this term, because in my experience, I definitely knew I was asleep, but it was so physical and tangible that I also knew it was not a dream.
And well my problem was i couldn`t put these two things together.
The easiest and most accurate way to describe it is to insert some pages directly from my Dream Journal as I jotted them down first thing in the morning.
At that time, I never thought I would be sharing this with anyone else. Yet, here I am ! Is this progress?? or not ?! 🙂

One more thought…as you go on reading this, it may seem to you as a very scary experience, but it opened to me so many new, unexpected and absolutely beautiful pathways that now I like to think of it as a great gift. So yes, my first taste of OBEs was pretty scary indeed, but not all OBEs are like this. Some of them can be truly beautiful and full of … bliss.
Anyway, this was my very first.

From my Journal:
2004 May 21 (the first PHYSICAL DREAM, and the beginning of all )

It was more physical and more real than any other thing I have ever experienced.
I was reading a meditation book and there was this exercise of setting our sub-conscious mind in a big room with many locked doors within which are all subconscious memories, fears, guilt etc.. Then we were supposed to open those doors while calling upon our Divine I AM PRESENCE so as to radiate a shaft of purifying Light into each dark room and see the Light permeating every corner .
So I tried it. Lying on my bed, I visualized being in this big room, calling upon the I AM PRESENCE, opening the doors, and I suppose at this point I must have fallen asleep.

As soon as my eyes close, from the door of my bedroom, there comes a big …WHOOSH and something VERY violent assaults me (in the real sense of the word, not as in a dream) with such an impact that I am left breathless and in pain, like having a soccer ball being thrown in my stomach.
That `thing` throws itself onto me, literally. It feels very close to being punched in the abdomen.
It tries to pin me down on the bed with such force and viciousness, holding my head and my shoulders down and kind of roaring like a beast. The roaring is quite awful.

There are three of them, and they come at me, rather throw themselves on me, one after the other, and attack me viciously. However, and this is truly astonishing to me, I fight them back with such a vehemence and fury I am surprised, if not astounded, at myself.
Incredibly enough, I do not feel scared . I mean, the `me` inside there doesn`t feel any fear about being attacked. In fact, I/she am totally incensed and angry.
God, so angry!
So here on my bed I am turning from left to right fighting first this demon (or whatever it was), then another.
I mean this. Again, not as in a dream, but as in real life, actually more real than real life, but I can`t explain this.
It really felt like turning violently on my bed from left to right, holding them at bay with my hands and furiously wrestling with them.

I feel this great RAGE inside me that they are trying to stop me `NOW`. I remember thinking ” NOT NOW ! “, and I get so very ANGRY at this thought, that when they swoop again trying to put me down, I turn on the bed in immense fury, pin one down and actually, ACTUALLY go for the jugular !
I mean, I actually BIT this thing on the fluffy neck or whatever was supposed to be there !

(HEY !! we are talking of me here, ME!!! ME !!!…how am I supposed to believe this ??)
YET THIS WAS REAL, I don’t know how to explain this. IT WAS PHYSICAL – I never felt anything more real in all my life .
I can still feel the tremendous impact of the first blow . The pain.

Then, next thing I know , I am getting out of bed and stepping/gliding out of my room to go check if somebody had left any door open in the house that allowed these `things` to get inside like that. (In ordinary reality it was a very windy and rainy night, because of an approaching typhoon.)

And in front of me running ahead so nimbly, I see this sweet young girl or boy (8 or 9 years old maybe) with this very long, white, no-sleeve dress on. `It` looks back at me to see if I am following, and the face is so pure, full of light, full of joy and intent at the same time . Intent on helping me out of this predicament.
– This was a beautiful moment. I felt the sacredness there, or maybe the purity. `It` looked like a little Angel, but `It` had no wings.-

The child runs off in front of me and is already downstairs, and I must add that the house looks exactly as my `real` house in every detail.
And as I look from upstairs , I realize that the main door HAD been left indeed open.
The child is already at the entrance door looking out for them, but it seems they are gone. He/she looks outside in the dark first and then turns around to tell me there is nobody there.

I feel a bit relieved and as I am climbing down the stairs, I stop after a few steps and, looking at the open door, say out loud :
” But WHO could have left it open, and with the typhoon coming !!”
And then I hear this voice, quite close or better all around me, saying outloud with a very nasty sneer in it.
” It may seem strange to you, but YOUUUUUUU did !”

And then I knew, and everything was clear to me.
I had opened the locked doors of my subconscious (I mean in the exercise), I had called upon the Light which had descended all right, but before letting It permeate every corner, I had fallen asleep! Indeed I had left the doors open. And they had been opened , but not cleansed or shut either.
Then I remember going upstairs and waking up.

I was exhausted, completely. And I was astonished.
In a normal dream I’m usually terrified of monsters, cowering in a corner and wishing myself to WAKE UP. But here I had been fearless, too angry to feel any fear.
I had fought them with such a violence and never had had any doubt about the outcome, as if I knew they were no match for me.( and this truly bewilders me….. how did I know ??)
I never felt hate, though. I was furious, and was in a real rage, but there was no hate in it, it was more like getting really mad and angry at very bad children, and saying `Enough is enough !! ‘

The `she/me` in there had not been afraid a bit, but lying there on the bed, the `normal/awake` me was truly TERRIFIED to fall asleep again….. What if I had left more doors open ? What if a BIGGER one comes out? I just couldn’t go through another bout again.
I turned the light on, trying to think clearly about what had happened. And most of all, racking my brains on how it was possible it had happened at all … I was asleep but I had definitely used my body and remembered each blow. How is it possible ? It was so physical. Nothing like any other dreams I had ever had, and I dream so much that if there is anybody who should know what a dream is, that would be me… HOW IS IT POSSIBLE?

After waking in the morning I had this terrible migraine that wouldn’t let up even with all the medicines I took.
I had light fever, horrible nausea and dizziness for two days and I had been quite in good form the night before.
Moreover, I burped incessantly for two days!

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Foal and the Angels