It is Not a Dream. To me it was inexplicable.

Nine years ago, in 2004, when my first Out-Of-Body experience `happened` to me, I had not the slightest notion that I could have `another body`. As far as I was concerned, although I had always firmly believed in having a Soul, this physical body was the only body I`d got. It was unconceivable to me that I had more bodies , and , as far as I knew, something as outlandish as what was happening to me could happen only in a Science Fiction movie scenario.
It totally turned my world around. I remember going about my usual life almost zombie-like, turning the question over and over in my mind : `HOW IS IT POSSIBLE ?? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE ?? GOD! HOW IS IT POSSIBLE???` I couldn`t focus on anything else but this thought for quite several days. I started thinking on the line of hallucinations caused by brain tumors.
To me, things like this simply didn`t happen.
As incredible as it may seem now, even to me, it took me 5 full years to find out about astral projection or OBE experiences. For those five years I didn`t dare talk with other people about it. Even formulating the words outloud sounded silly and preposterous to me. I was sure people would not , actually, could not, believe me, since I myself would not have believed me , if it had not happened to me !! 🙂
Well, this was only the beginning of a series of dreams/OBE experiences that for a lack of a better term in my vocabulary of the time, I called `physical dreams`. I chose this term, because in my experience, I definitely knew I was asleep, but it was so physical and tangible that I also knew it was not a dream.
And well my problem was i couldn`t put these two things together.
The easiest and most accurate way to describe it is to insert some pages directly from my Dream Journal as I jotted them down first thing in the morning.
At that time, I never thought I would be sharing this with anyone else. Yet, here I am ! Is this progress?? or not ?! 🙂

One more thought…as you go on reading this, it may seem to you as a very scary experience, but it opened to me so many new, unexpected and absolutely beautiful pathways that now I like to think of it as a great gift. So yes, my first taste of OBEs was pretty scary indeed, but not all OBEs are like this. Some of them can be truly beautiful and full of … bliss.
Anyway, this was my very first.

From my Journal:
2004 May 21 (the first PHYSICAL DREAM, and the beginning of all )

It was more physical and more real than any other thing I have ever experienced.
I was reading a meditation book and there was this exercise of setting our sub-conscious mind in a big room with many locked doors within which are all subconscious memories, fears, guilt etc.. Then we were supposed to open those doors while calling upon our Divine I AM PRESENCE so as to radiate a shaft of purifying Light into each dark room and see the Light permeating every corner .
So I tried it. Lying on my bed, I visualized being in this big room, calling upon the I AM PRESENCE, opening the doors, and I suppose at this point I must have fallen asleep.

As soon as my eyes close, from the door of my bedroom, there comes a big …WHOOSH and something VERY violent assaults me (in the real sense of the word, not as in a dream) with such an impact that I am left breathless and in pain, like having a soccer ball being thrown in my stomach.
That `thing` throws itself onto me, literally. It feels very close to being punched in the abdomen.
It tries to pin me down on the bed with such force and viciousness, holding my head and my shoulders down and kind of roaring like a beast. The roaring is quite awful.

There are three of them, and they come at me, rather throw themselves on me, one after the other, and attack me viciously. However, and this is truly astonishing to me, I fight them back with such a vehemence and fury I am surprised, if not astounded, at myself.
Incredibly enough, I do not feel scared . I mean, the `me` inside there doesn`t feel any fear about being attacked. In fact, I/she am totally incensed and angry.
God, so angry!
So here on my bed I am turning from left to right fighting first this demon (or whatever it was), then another.
I mean this. Again, not as in a dream, but as in real life, actually more real than real life, but I can`t explain this.
It really felt like turning violently on my bed from left to right, holding them at bay with my hands and furiously wrestling with them.

I feel this great RAGE inside me that they are trying to stop me `NOW`. I remember thinking ” NOT NOW ! “, and I get so very ANGRY at this thought, that when they swoop again trying to put me down, I turn on the bed in immense fury, pin one down and actually, ACTUALLY go for the jugular !
I mean, I actually BIT this thing on the fluffy neck or whatever was supposed to be there !

(HEY !! we are talking of me here, ME!!! ME !!!…how am I supposed to believe this ??)
YET THIS WAS REAL, I don’t know how to explain this. IT WAS PHYSICAL – I never felt anything more real in all my life .
I can still feel the tremendous impact of the first blow . The pain.

Then, next thing I know , I am getting out of bed and stepping/gliding out of my room to go check if somebody had left any door open in the house that allowed these `things` to get inside like that. (In ordinary reality it was a very windy and rainy night, because of an approaching typhoon.)

And in front of me running ahead so nimbly, I see this sweet young girl or boy (8 or 9 years old maybe) with this very long, white, no-sleeve dress on. `It` looks back at me to see if I am following, and the face is so pure, full of light, full of joy and intent at the same time . Intent on helping me out of this predicament.
– This was a beautiful moment. I felt the sacredness there, or maybe the purity. `It` looked like a little Angel, but `It` had no wings.-

The child runs off in front of me and is already downstairs, and I must add that the house looks exactly as my `real` house in every detail.
And as I look from upstairs , I realize that the main door HAD been left indeed open.
The child is already at the entrance door looking out for them, but it seems they are gone. He/she looks outside in the dark first and then turns around to tell me there is nobody there.

I feel a bit relieved and as I am climbing down the stairs, I stop after a few steps and, looking at the open door, say out loud :
” But WHO could have left it open, and with the typhoon coming !!”
And then I hear this voice, quite close or better all around me, saying outloud with a very nasty sneer in it.
” It may seem strange to you, but YOUUUUUUU did !”

And then I knew, and everything was clear to me.
I had opened the locked doors of my subconscious (I mean in the exercise), I had called upon the Light which had descended all right, but before letting It permeate every corner, I had fallen asleep! Indeed I had left the doors open. And they had been opened , but not cleansed or shut either.
Then I remember going upstairs and waking up.

I was exhausted, completely. And I was astonished.
In a normal dream I’m usually terrified of monsters, cowering in a corner and wishing myself to WAKE UP. But here I had been fearless, too angry to feel any fear.
I had fought them with such a violence and never had had any doubt about the outcome, as if I knew they were no match for me.( and this truly bewilders me….. how did I know ??)
I never felt hate, though. I was furious, and was in a real rage, but there was no hate in it, it was more like getting really mad and angry at very bad children, and saying `Enough is enough !! ‘

The `she/me` in there had not been afraid a bit, but lying there on the bed, the `normal/awake` me was truly TERRIFIED to fall asleep again….. What if I had left more doors open ? What if a BIGGER one comes out? I just couldn’t go through another bout again.
I turned the light on, trying to think clearly about what had happened. And most of all, racking my brains on how it was possible it had happened at all … I was asleep but I had definitely used my body and remembered each blow. How is it possible ? It was so physical. Nothing like any other dreams I had ever had, and I dream so much that if there is anybody who should know what a dream is, that would be me… HOW IS IT POSSIBLE?

After waking in the morning I had this terrible migraine that wouldn’t let up even with all the medicines I took.
I had light fever, horrible nausea and dizziness for two days and I had been quite in good form the night before.
Moreover, I burped incessantly for two days!

Click on the image to read about Foal and the Angels on Amazon.

Foal and the Angels


11 comments on “It is Not a Dream. To me it was inexplicable.

  1. In past ages that which assaulted you would have been called an incubus. We exist in a soup of forces within forces, of which most people are never aware and some only rarely. You met “yourself” in several forms. You are far more than just your body. Marco

  2. You couldnt be more right, Marco ! It took me a few years to get there myself. At first i was thinking in the line of demons and so, but then i realized that they were all parts of me !
    What made me realize this most of all was the disturbing and at first unclear, unsettling feeling i had toward them. Despite the horror movie scenario and the rage I felt in there, I did also feel like they were little kids that needed some very good spanking…probably my kids !
    You see, when this happened I had just `awakened` to my spiritual life after a 30 year gap. I guess that is why the me in there was getting so angry at them trying to stop her NOW. I remember thinking very clearly NOT NOW.

    So yes, just as you say, I have met `myself` in several forms indeed ! 🙂 all those terrible and naughty things out of the closet were or must have been energies i helped `make` in this life or others.
    And just as the little white angel girl was a part of me, the demon like things belonged to me too.

    • What a beautiful way to put it ! YES !! After all, without the Light, we would not even have a shadow !!
      In a very subtle way, they are interconnected indeed…as everything else . Thank you for the reminderf !!

  3. -NOW I “get” your dream with the Polar Bear and the big fish that was so ferocious, killing the bear, the “top predator” of the “North”. The north is a direction of the unknown and the spiritual. The bear is symbolic of the “predators” that attacked you. The big fish is YOU and the strength of your deep spiritual self to fight for yourself when you need to. You derive this strength from deep within, the deep ocean of the unconscious is where it dwells until summoned forth to fight and defend. Honor yourself in fighting for your rights and integrity!

  4. Dale, thanks ! i replied to this in our group, but let me reiterate here how deep your insights go. i had never put the two dreams together till now, but staring at them in the face side by side, i can see the truth of what you say and i can see it as it is for the first time. i will be giving this a lot of thought, you know, because it gives meaning to many other similar and till now incomprehensible behaviours (of mine) in other OBEs. THANKS !

  5. there was a song by Donovan it is called I believe “First there is a Mountain”, a kind of Zen like song. It goes along like this . “…first there is a mountain..then there is no mountain..then there is….” We see the mountain first, and as our understanding of it gets clearer and we get closer to it, then it becomes something else. then as our consciousness grows it again becomes the mountain. Without shadow, how can we compare what light is, and visa versa. it is all in our consciousness that we observe, discriminate, reason and grow.

  6. Baraka Bashad. What i am about to say may be tough to
    hear and it may make some angry. It may make some think,
    or debate, but hopefully may create a dialogue. So I will
    say what i say and then leave it up to you to decide what
    to do with it. “Jesus” is my “brother”. NOw I will
    clarify my statement, in this way you may just understand
    what i am saying or the very least, see the journey I
    made to get to this statement. It has long been debated,
    argued, taught, writtten about that we as “soul” we made
    in God’s image. Now if we consider the human body as
    such, this would be folly as it is mortal, and as we have
    been taught, God is immortal. So God is not made of flesh
    and blood, nor (as I leap ahead here) is God, male or
    female. These would limit God too so not really an option
    as to same image, besides God is not two-faced with a
    male part on one side and female on the other. God is the
    balancing and blending of both the male/female or
    positve/negative, giving the neutral or neuter. This form
    of God is immortal so in keeping in line this point, then
    we as “children” of God are too immortal beings. It is
    like saying that we are born of human parents on Earth,
    and we are not called Martians from Mars or any other
    place. We are of the human form here on earth and very
    much mortal beings within these bodies. Which is also
    wrong thinking as we are immortal, so we can not be human
    body. So with this all in mind, then all “children” of
    God are related to us as brothers. And in this I mean
    brotherhood as in the defination of Brotherhood is a
    collection of individuals, groups, societies of a like
    mind or collective, a brotherhood. So that “Jesus”
    becaome all of us as a brother, as we are a brother to
    “Jesus” and to every other life/creation of God. So when
    I say that “Jesus” is my brother, I mean it exactly as
    that. Get angry at this is you must, but the logic of it
    is sound.

  7. Michael, dont worry ! I don`t usually get angry at other people`s opinions , beliefs or statements. I think the diversity in us is a beautiful thing, as far as, like you always point out, we dont try to `make` other people our followers.
    Each has its path, you know how i totally agree with you ! 🙂

    • no worries, did not expect you to be annoyed, some do when you challenge a belief or idea. only oneself can really know and understand truth of itself that fits for the individual. our own unique perspective (viewpoint) is how we view that which is the outer experiences, with the inner experiences. and this perspective is gained from our own research/studies and experiences. one does not know of a hot element on the stove until one gets the experience, until one does it is jut an experience that someone else had that was unpleasant. until we actually experience it for ourselves, do we know that it is painful. but the joy is that the lessons will keep coming but to look at them as an adventure as we are eternal, and the story of us is still being written, so take time to enjoy the story and see the sights they bring.

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