As you may have probably read in my previous blog, my first out of body experience was a bit, quite a bit, over the edge (well, at least for my standards, I guess). After that experience, and let me reiterate here that I had no clue whatsoever about what `that` was, I was left to deal with two issues principally: one, a sense of total disbelief (it was hard to convince my mind it had really happened, although my body and overall experience knew better), and two, I felt like I was under attack. Attack from what? That was my question.
Personally, until that time, I had never believed in ghosts or haunted/haunting phenomena. So, was I being attacked by my own brain ?? was I sick? Was that what people usually call hallucinations? But this explanation simply didn’t feel right. I KNEW it was no hallucination of any sort. Yet, I promised myself to go have a brain MRI done as soon as I could, just in case. But as it often goes with a `bad dream`, little by little the intensity of the memory of it becomes less strong and you let time pass by. Several months passed and I guess I didn’t expect it to happen again. Well, I was proved wrong.
Again, out of the blue, another one of these `inter-dimensional attacks` shook me out of my skin ( literally, since it`s an out of body, right ?! :-)). But this time, beside the attack itself, the element of `sacredness` was so pronounced and manifest, that I was not capable to dismiss it as an unwanted nightmare. Actually I found myself longing for more of these experiences, regardless of the fact that they had proved to be quite frightening. So these `dreadful` experiences, without even my noticing it, were actually leading me into spiritual experiences of a kind I had never ever dreamt possible. In the most subtle way, almost imperceptibly, my mindset changed and I found myself, more than dreading them, actually rather desiring them with all my heart. A sort of controversial , convoluted, complicated love affair of a sort !
But now again, let me share with you the post and notes right from my journal:
Sept.22, 2004 1.30-1.50 am (the second PHYSICAL DREAM)
Again I was reading this book of meditations and there were 4 geometrical symbols to meditate on. The last of them was called Godhead and it had the form of a six-point-star with the 6 projections radiating out from the center (a sort of hexapod). The dream started as these particular dreams always seem to start, in the same place and same position I was right before falling asleep. Again, I know I am asleep , yet I act and move around as if I were awake. It feels like I am completely awake, the weirdest thing.
It was dark, and I, lying down on my bed, asleep and yet awake, turned my body to take a sip of water from the glass on the side-table, when I saw it . Floating shiny in the dark. Then it started getting brighter and brighter. It was so incredibly beautiful. I saw GODHEAD. It was the same symbol of the meditation paper, a six-point-star with some of the arms starting from the middle of the body and going out diagonally. It was the same, but so very different at the same time, so 3D and all gold and bright. There was a gold shine all around it and it moved of a Life of its own. It was like suspended in the air and sort of quivering right there in front of my eyes.
This was magnificent. This was ALIVE. There was Energy and Light and Life, and also a great outpouring of Love. The most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. On the paper it had been only a flat black and white picture, and had no Life in it. It had been just a geometrical shape without any particular meaning to me. Now I was being shown its `real` form in all of its beauty. But can you believe it ? Right there, near my bed cabinet, about 15 cm. X 15 cm. in size, floating in mid-air, completely 3D. Incredible. Floating in mid-air, so very close to my face. So BEAUTIFUL, so very beautiful
! As I looked at it astonished, it started shining, no ““brighting””, and I felt my mind going in and in and in. There was a kind of sparkling aura around it that was literally sucking me in. But just as I was hoping to merge with it and know great happiness (I just knew I would feel extreme bliss), I felt like something or somebody jumped on my bed and attacked me, kind of trying to rape me; it felt like a stick was being pushed up between my legs. It felt as if this demon/entity, or whatever it was, did not want me to find Godhead, and was trying to impede it.
I got so angry again, my goodness, sooo angry (it seems it is an “usual” for me in these `dreams`). And, full of fury and totally incensed, I turned around on it in one swift movement and not scared a bit (by the way, the “real” me could never move that fast and would be so deadly terrified). Then with this other body of mine I was out of the bed in the blink of an eye, and standing in the middle of my room, with my arms akimbo, shouted at this thing I couldn’t see : “ You want more ? C’mon and fight! I am ready here. Where are you? Show yourself !!” ( gosh, I must have been out of my mind … )
But I was afraid I had lost Godhead who had come to me !! it had come to me !!! all I could think of was to settle this thing as quickly as possible and hurry back to Godhead. I feared it may have disappeared in the meantime. But then, when I went to the side of my bed and lay down, it came up again, it came again ! It was shining and sparkling even more than before. I felt the urge again to put my head to it, to touch it with my forehead, to melt into it. I knew it was going to feel so good. But just as I touched it and felt the start of bliss coming over in my head, I had to get out of my bed again, because this `thing` had just managed to take all the sheets and covers from my bed in one swift stroke. I knew i was being interrupted on purpose , I knew I had to deal with it before I could go back to Godhead.
So I got out of the bed (and of course I do this by using this other body, although it feels perfectly physical), and went to open the door of my room and switch on the light, so that I could see what it was, but as hard as I tried , I couldn’t turn the light on! This thing was really trying to hinder me in any possible way! And that thought made me really mad. So I started shouting at it again, without being able to see it, though : “What? You really want to fight ? Show your face, then…” I was really challenging it out loud and strongly, but somehow a little upset. The wind got stronger from the outside and, as the window was half-open, the lace curtains fluttered (and the thing is I had really left it open the night before). So I went to close the window.
It was dark outside, but in the dark I saw something so very beautiful and delicate. And unexpected. My heart felt so peaceful and happy all at once. I saw soft and very, very white snow flakes falling, but I remember thinking they must be white petals of the flowers of the tree in front of my window, because it was still summer and too warm to snow . But it was neither petals nor normal snow, it was something so pure and sacred that was falling, I cannot describe the beauty of it and the feeling of peace and quiet it brought to my heart. It was so beautiful and for a moment I stood looking at it transfixed. I wanted to be looking at it forever. But then my attention was disrupted again, because all of a sudden my bed had been turned upside down and with no mattress on, like a real Poltergeist.
Hey ! I mean, all my bed had been turned upside down !! It was unconceivable! How did it dare ? I knew I had not finished with this ‘thing’ and was ready to challenge it again, but getting a bit tired in the process. Then I woke up. Maybe I wanted to wake up. I remember I was starting to feel too upset and tired to continue. But GODHEAD !!! seriously , GODHEAD !!! The sacredness I felt in it and the joy it gave me by showing itself to me was more than anything I could have ever hoped to experience. It was such a blissful experience that this vicious `thing` attacking me was completely wiped out from my memory/sight/perception. It didn’t matter, was of no relevance in comparison, it was just an annoying nuisance, that’s all. And the snow flakes in all their purity falling out of Heaven … I just have no words to describe, define any of this.
And I also came to the realization of how LIFE is in every thing. Just a 2D symbol (well, a sacred symbol) in black and white on a piece of paper was not just a few lines of ink and had just turned into a living `something` right in front of my stunned eyes ……… And so much Love and Radiance emanating from it! There can be such Life in “things” that we have no idea of …
PS. When I woke up, I was in pure Bliss, yet the awake me, a.k.a. my mind, I guess, feared falling asleep . In these “dreams” I always get so angry, am ready to put up a fight, but then, after I wake up, when I get back to the real me (…which is the `real` me, by the way ??), I am always so afraid to go back to sleep. There is this gap between this she/me and the awake-me. How can I be so fearless?
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Foal and the Angels: Wisdom Comes Through: A Journey of Understanding