My first experiences of unsolicited and totally out of control astral projections left me scared, puzzled and confused to the extreme. Not understanding what this phenomenon was and not daring to tell anyone for lack of words or maybe for abundance of fear, I found myself spending more and more time alone trying to figure out the whole thing and considering what my future perspectives were. What was this? a sign of impending disease, or an early sign of dementia? If something else, will I be able to control it one day? Will I be able to overcome the fear I always feel in waking up? Will this go on happening forever? And, by the way, most of all, for God`s sake, what IS this ???
Well, these were but a few of the perturbing questions that were afflicting my mind some ten years ago when all this started. And my mind would be buzzing all day and night with this impenetrable and inexplicable thought `They are not dreams, but I am asleep.`… How can I move if I am asleep? Hamlet`s dilemma seemed small in comparison to mine.
In order to cope better with my lack of understanding and ensuing fear, I knew I had to provide these mysterious occurrences with some sort of reference or identity. Yes, I needed to classify them as best , or as worst, I could. So I decided to give them a name and came up with the term “physical dreams”. Physical because they were so tangible, and dreams because, if I was asleep, what else could I call them?
I also knew that, to pacify my befuddled mind so it could come to terms with its very perplexed self, I had to find an explanation of some sort … of any sort. I thought I may start by trying to find a recurrent pattern, like maybe it was something in my diet or in my daily life that was triggering them, but, for the love of me, I couldn’t. It all seemed so without any plan or structure. I had noticed though, that, despite the dissimilarities, in each and every one of them there were definitely elements in common. So I decided to try to single out these elements and make a list, and then see if I could come up with some sort of answer closer to my intellectual appreciation.
And so I did. I made a list of these repeating elements and also added a few personal reflections on what were my feelings and perceptions when I was `in there` (sorry for this poor and inadequate description of other dimensions, but at that time I didn’t know any better…). And I called it `the Shift`. Here is what I wrote:
1. Unlike normal dreams, I am always in my bed (when it starts), usually same position I fell asleep.
2. I am aware I am asleep but move around with what seems to be my body (which is supposed to be asleep in bed).
3. 90% of the times it happens right after I go to bed (around midnight). Feels like: I close my eyes, I open my eyes and there I am.
4. The air feels thick, different, oppressive feeling. Many times at first it takes me a lot of energy to start moving my limbs. Like cutting through thick, dense, almost solid air. Feeling of being pressed down by heavy air or … energy?? Yet sometimes I can move at lightning speed ! and can touch and move things around and feel everything as if I were touching them with my physical body (which can`t be , because I can see me asleep…)
5. I am totally conscious and focused, more than I am in normal/awake life.
6. Gap between this `me` in there, and the usual `me` is profound.
7. This she/me seems to be much more powerful than my `usual` me, doesn`t seem to be afraid of what I would actually be terrified of.
8. I don’t seem to be afraid in there, but I am in waking up. don’t want to fall asleep again (because I know I would be drawn back `in there` in the split of a second).
My mind loved making the list. I guess it felt a bit as if it was back in control, but not for long. Come next `Shift`, and everything was out of control again. So what was I able to make out of the list? Absolutely nothing. I was back to square one. I had no clue. But I knew it was imperative I found a way out from , if not these occurrences, at least, from the fear. Or I may lose my mind.
P.S. In my next posts, for those interested, I `ll speak more specifically about the sense of dread that can be present in the astral and how I coped with it. And how eventually I overcame my fear.
Click on the image to read about Foal and the Angels on Amazon.